"The language of friendship is not words but meanings."

We all need friends,
to get through the ups and the downs.
To share the smiles and the frowns.
We all need friends,
to love and to laugh.
to hug and to cry.
It's not how many you have,
but how important they are.
for to me, one best friend
can replace a thousand "little friends"
together until the end,
and sometimes more loving than a spouse,
will be your friend.
the best thing in your life.
that one person that will always say goodnight.
a friend is needed for when you're down.
for when you have been kicked around.
they mean something special,
unbelievably true.
a friend knows you,
even better than you do.

say thanks to them often,
and don't ever let them leave.
stay by their side.
through thick and through thin.
and no matter what,
don't ever give in.
you may mean more to them.
then you'll ever know.
just give it time.
and let that friendship grow.

Another Poem

I need to get away right now.
I need to be happy,
at least content, somehow.
I want to be happy,
I want to be able to be me.
Not just that person that everyone sees.
I need to be home.
Not just my house.
but a home.
I want to find a place of peace and calm.
I want a place like the inside of God's palm.
somewhere other than here.
where I won't cry,
or even fear.
I want that person
to tell me it's okay.
not just anyone.
but that person that understands every word I say.
I wish it would be the way it used to.
life was a breeze.
I could go on with ease.
but I know, that's not how it's meant to be.
we all face struggles.
and we all fall to our knees.
the important thing is to keep looking up,
even when you're all out of luck.
because when you're looking down,
there's not to look at, but the ground.
when they say the sky is the limit,
don't take it to the horizon.
take it past.
and let all the happy moments last.

"From Caring comes Courage"

Yes, I get angry. Rarely at other people. Just mostly at myself. People think because I'm so sweet and a push over that I never get angry. I do though. If you were to make fun of my family, I can get pretty mean. Honestly though, I get unbelievably mad at myself. I get mad because I care too much. I get mad from the feelings of jealousy I get. And I get angry for being mad at myself. I have false dreams that I get consumed with, only to be trampled down. But I never give up hope. Cause there's always tomorrow. But now my shell is harder than before. I'm becoming calloused. I try to stay as loving and compassionate as before. but it's hard. knowing your heart can be broken once more. Thank goodness I'm a tough one. and that I can forgive easily. Otherwise I'd be stuck in a rut. I can only act like I'm okay for a short while. Until things back up, and I explode. I think it's rather stupid for me to get mad at things I can't help to feel. But I'd rather have these emotions be elsewhere... I'm not quite sure. Everybody handles them differently. I wish I wouldn't get mad at myself. Its not healthy. But I'd rather blame me, than anyone else. Because you know what? I'm the one who decides whether I am happy or not. And I realize life would be pretty miserable if I didn't take the time to see the good parts of life. I just keep pushing on and remind myself that everything happens for a reason...

"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated"

You would think that as time goes on, you would start to realize you don't need someone to make you happy. Maybe you would miss that certain someone less. Sort of forgetting about him/her. But if that someone is the only one who knows you, truly knows you. Then how can you let that go? If that somebody is the only person that you feel cares about your stories. Or the only person that will share his/her silly, embarrassing stories with you, then who do you turn to. Now, we all say someone is irreplaceable, but I honestly believe I could replace many people in my life. I've finally found someone that I cry about. Just thinking of him. I need that one person so damn much, I can't even describe. Sure, I have my bestest friends. One since I was 8. I love her to death, and she with me. But I know deep down, we both get irritated at each other. And I know what I'm feeling right now is close to when I didn't think my brother was going to make it. I broke down. Thinking. This will never be the same. All those years we spent together, have suddenly halted, and I just want to know you're okay. I just want to hear your voice. I never want to say goodbye. Because I realize, it kills me slowly not having you. Just having you. Those are the same feelings I felt when my brother was in critical condition, and those are the same feelings I get with you. I don't mean having you in a possessive way. I mean having you. Having you here. Available. Being able to feel those things I do when you talk to me, and when you're around. Even getting a text from you, somehow makes my days brighter. This stinks. Honestly. It's hard for me to enjoy stuff as easily as I used to. Because nothing is as great as when I'm with you. Nothing can ever make me euphorically happy as you do. It's horrible. and I truly wish it wasn't this way. I hate these feelings. I really do. There's a void in me. There's vulnerability with everything I say about you. And there's always a feeling of being pathetic. I know I was fine before you. But somehow, even if I shouldn't. I can't imagine life without you. That's as best as I can explain it.

"Superman"

Nobody knows what someone else is dealing with. Never. Even if you think you're best friends. Honestly. I mean people aren't that open-hearted. Everything would be much easier if that was sure. I wish people wouldn't try to intervene so much and take stuff as it is. We know Superman doesn't exist in real life, so why act like him? the only person who can truly save is Jesus. We gotta take life as it is. Either you have control of yourself, or everything is lost. I mean come on. Even Dr. Phil had marriage problems... Why can't people see that things do happen for a reason. And that no matter what, some people will never change. We cant ever force someone to change. Suggest, sure. Force? eh. Its always up to them. Yeah, sure. You probably think all of this is easy for me to say. You probably think my life is a breeze. It's far from that. It's more like a tornado. And sure, I clean up the debris afterward. We help as much as possible. But none of us are superman. So where the hurricane struck, there's forever going to be scars. Life goes on, and we move on. What else is there to do? we can drag someone with us. Or find some temporary happiness. But truly, what you gotta look forward to is heaven. That's where Superman is. Then everything will be brand new. And no more hurt to be caused. This life is thankfully a short glimpse.

"A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find that after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us."
John Steinbeck

"I miss you"

Those three words.... What do they really mean to me? A whole heck of a lot. To me, missing anyone puts you in a vulnerable place. It makes me feel like I am dependent on a single person or thing. It takes a lot for me to truly miss someone. Honestly, I know what its like. Its hard for me to show sympathy towards some people because they'll miss their love after three days or so. Now how about leaving your brother in a hospital in critical condition. Or being away from one of your closest friends of the opposite sex for weeks on end, and hardly ever hearing his voice. That sucks. None of this pity high school concept of missing someone. I like to keep myself guarded. Which sometimes isn't always a good thing. I try to keep my feelings inside, so everyone else can  tell their feelings to me. It sucks sometimes when people don't know how much they actually mean to me. I don't just throw around words like "love" and "miss". People have to earn that. Respect and trust is needed if you want a real relationship with me. And if I do say those words to you, you better feel lucky. You must've done something right. And trust me, I wouldn't want to lose you. Not many people know the deep down under-the-skin Brittany, and I believe that's why I enjoy writing so much. It gives me a chance to easily express myself. Don't feel like you're not important if you don't know everything about me. If you're reading this, you know a lot more about me than many other people. So, thanks. And please. Don't throw meaningful words around like nothing.




“I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with eachother; for those were some of the best times of my life.”

Oh, to be young again.

Yes, I know. I'm not that old. I'm not even considered an adult yer. but.... I have seen time fly. It just amazes. And in a way, I want to go back. Back to when I was young and life was simple. Being seventeen though, I realize many more things than before. I'll be honest. I could stay seventeen forever. Its just a lot of stress. I love this age though, because there's so many things that I know now, but so much more to learn. I'm still fascinated at the world. and still have time to dream. Granted, I have no where close to an imagination as the kids I babysit, or the curiosity. But neither am I bitter or cynical about the world. It would be just wonderful if I could go back in time. I kind of think I lost some of my childhood. I would stress a lot. And all had was two or three friends. Until I got older, got braces, and lost weight. Its amazing how much, even at a young age, looks matter... but thats a different topic. Everything happens for a reason, and I truly believe that. I'm upset that life goes so fast, but then again, I'm glad that I realize that even now. I know the future is bright. I'm very optimistic. And I still can relive my youth. I've been spending time outside with my guy friends, and playing with my baby sister and the kids I watch. Its great to stay around the young. Now I'm starting to understand why they say life goes by so quickly. truly, our life is but a glimpse in the whole scheme of things...


"Children are remarkable for their intelligence and ardor, for their curiosity, their intolerance of shams, the clarity and ruthlessness of their vision."
Aldous Huxley

Poems of Sorts

All that glitters isn't gold.
And stories in life go untold.
The present lays out,
and the future unfolds.
To all the children we hope to mold:
we may seem unwise and frankly, old.
but listen up, or later you'll  be told.


When life gets you down,
and there's no one around:
just keep moving on.
When you're about to give up,
and you're all outta luck:
Just keep moving along.
When you think you can't handle anymore,
and you're about to quit or head out the door:
just keep going strong.
When you're at your ends wit,
and nothing seems up to fit;
just keep pushing through.
When all that you do seems wrong,
and there's no where you belong:
just keep being you.
keep moving on
keep moving along
keep going strong
keep pushing through
just keep being you.


"He who has a why to live for, can bear almost any how." Friedrich Nietzsche 

Emotions

I think about this often. "why do we have all these different feelings and perceptions?" I'm not one to be sympathetic to anyone's sadness or loneliness, even my own. Although, I do hate when I am sad and have negative feelings. I get very mad and frustrated at myself when I cry or get sick from being upset. I'm not quite sure what it is that makes me feel that way. It could be from my upbringing, or just the way I take things, the way I view life. Who knows. Maybe circumstantial issues. All I know is that, tonight I was crying. Why? Well apparently because I miss someone a whole heck of a lot. This is a shock to me. 1. because I only once actually missed a person and 2. I cried... My brother was hit by a car, as some may know, and he was in the hospital under critical condition. Then I cried, and I certainly cried a lot. But that was reasonable. Now I'm crying because someone is far away from me, for some reason that seems silly. I know there's a lot more to it than that he's just far away. but I don't feel any pity on me, and I don't want anyone else to. I often think emotions are useless. But then again. what would life be then. I guess with the hurt and the pain, comes the laughs and smiles. I am almost always optimistic. I try to at least, I believe its a lot more healthier. But to some point, being happy and optimistic does have its downfalls. Like now. I don't know how to deal with these kinds of motions. I said to my friend earlier, "I wish I knew how to deal with negative emotions like normal people." Honestly though, not many people actually do know how to handle their emotions. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you take what you get, and you either use it or you don't. You can cry and sob. Have a pity party for yourself. Or get over it and realize it could be worse. That's always my vice. "It could be worse." It most certainly could. 


“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.” 
― Robert Frost