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I hate caring about someone so much that it hurts. I sometimes wish I had amnesia or something. Seriously. Today I was thinking to myself that I don’t want to love anymore. I’m afraid to love someone else, and I don’t want someone else loving me. It seems like every time something like this happens, I end up disappointing the person, or I get hurt and screwed over. and I hate that. Its like there’s more of a chance of having a bad time in a relationship now, than a good time. I don’t wanna play Russian Roulette with those chances either. I wish I could fast forward life somehow to see how things will go about, or talk to the creator of my destiny, I guess. It just sucks so much… Having to say goodbye every time I see you, and thinking, I wonder if you feel the same way I do. Like I said, I’m frightened, if you truly do love me, I’d be estatic. But then I’d probably be mad. I get jealous, so I’d ask, “well what about all those other girls you hang out with?” and I know you would reply, “oh, they’re just friends. they don’t mean as much as you do to me.” and I would say, “awww, okay.” but really I would get angry at night like this because I know they get to see you more than I do, and I miss you a lot. and nobody would understand how much, cause not even I do. See, the reason I get jealous isn’t because I think you care about those other girls more… I get jealous because I cannot think in any possible way that those girls care about you near as much as I do. And I want you to receive all the love and care in the world, only from me though. So here I am. Being angry, jealous, selfish, and quite frankly, tired, miserable and feeling sick. All because of love. I wish I knew what to do or how to get through this. But I’m stuck until you allow me to hear what your real thoughts and feelings are. Until then I’m stuck dreaming of what can happen, or what I want to happen, and then getting upset again from getting my hopes up. this is why my motto is: “Hope for the best, but prepare for the worse.”